John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott
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The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
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How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
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The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
The Art of Self Soothing
There is so much going on in the world now. It’s hard watching the news, in fact I am more likely to just quickly check a news ap than I am to watch the news in real time. Many people I speak to are unable to watch the news at all because they struggle to think of the...
Dreading the holiday season
The festive season can be very difficult for many people. Plans are being made for the holiday season and whilst some of us spend time looking forward to them there are others of us who are dreading the holiday season, and the question “What are you doing for Christmas?”
Expectations are high but if we are honest maybe more than a few of us are not looking forward to all of the upcoming holiday period, especially family gatherings.
Are you or someone you know:
- living alone
- in an unhappy relationship
- a single parent
- recovering from a breakup
- feel like your family doesn’t understand you?
These feelings are actually more common than we think and can be exacerbated at family celebrations.
So What Can We Do About It?
Well we can start by allowing ourselves to become aware of how we feel. This is always the first step to change. Working out what is going on inside us is paramount. This may take some time, especially for those of us who find getting in touch with our feelings difficult but once we know what is really going on for us we can do something about it.
Maybe we are currently suffering from:
- depression
- social anxiety
- stress
- feeling lonely
- feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope
The next step
The next step is to work out what we really want to do. Do we want to go to the celebration? Or would we actually rather avoid it altogether?
If we really do not want to go at all then it can be really helpful to try and work out why we want to avoid it:
For example: are we dreading the family celebrations because we don’t like some members of the family? If so would it be possible to talk to the person concerned about how they may have hurt us?
Or can we find a way to manage the situation so that we feel more comfortable? Maybe going for a shorter amount of time or taking someone else with us? Could we be strategic and spend as little time as possible near the people we find challenging?
If we have worked out that we really can not bear to go at all then having the courage to make the decision and tell others is the hard part. Especially if this is going to involve a break from the usual routine. However if we feel we are acting with integrity and choosing to do something different for our own mental health then we need to have the courage of our convictions and tell others our plans and stick to them.
Our new plan
Our new plan does not need to be climbing Kilimanjaro, it could be helping others less fortunate than ourselves eg volunteering at the local homeless project. Or organising a friends’ Christmas day for others who may also be struggling with what to do.
The objective is to feel ok with who we are and what we do over the festive period. To strike a balance between doing what we want to do and doing what others want us to do. Our time off is precious and we need to be true to ourselves and honest about what we want to do and with who we wish to do it.
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