How To Remember Your Dreams I often work with people who dream frequently and are interested in their dreams. Many suffer from nightmares and night terrors which they remember vividly. I will be exploring these in a later post. But a lot of people don’t remember...
Loss, Bereavement and Mourning
Dreaming
Photography by Gregory Pappas on UnsplashPsychotherapy and Dreams During an initial consultation with a potential client, I often ask about their dreams. Do they dream regularly? Do they have significant dreams from childhood? Do they have recurring dreams? This is...
Time for a Mindset Spring Clean
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Cyber Bullying
Cyber Bullying When researching this subject, I was shocked to see the number of people who had taken their lives due to cyber bullying and sextortion. Between March 2019 and March 2020 19% or one in five children between the age of 10 and 15 in England and Wales...
Male Influencers
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What’s Your Online Persona?
Who Do You Think You Are? How Do You Want To Come Across Online? We all know someone who exaggerates their life online – we see the ‘official’ glitzy positive image they put on social media. For example, posts of holiday snaps look amazing but, when we meet to hear...
Striking the Balance – Parenting Children on Social Media
Children and social media: It can be a thorny issue for many parents. There is a common conflict. On the one hand, if you let your child engage in social media they can feel part of their friendship group and won’t feel left out or left behind, whilst on the other...
Phone Addiction – Are We Losing the Art of Being Able to be With Ourselves?
At a comedy show recently I sat in my seat during the interval and studied the art deco theatre. I was admiring the intricate ceiling and the décor and looked across from where I was sitting to see three people engrossed in their phones. They seemed oblivious to the...
Social Media Anxiety and How To Manage It
Social media can be a fantastic way of keeping in touch with people and a source of inspiration, support, and connection to wider conversations online. It can also link us to people we would otherwise not have access to, for example, brides and grooms who’ve invited...
Social Media Anxiety
This is the first in a series I’m writing about social media. Over recent years, and especially since the pandemic social media has become more prevalent in our lives. Benefits of Social Media There are fantastic sides to social media like the ability to keep in touch...
Loss occurs when we lose something that is precious to us. It usually refers to a person, for example – the death of a loved one, but it can also denote many other circumstances such as:
- Grown up children leaving home
- Being made redundant or leaving a job
- Divorce or the end of a relationship
- Infertility
- Moving house
What Happens When We Experience Loss?
Depending on the circumstances, our first reaction to loss is usually shock, even if we knew it was coming. This may manifest itself in feelings of numbness and disbelief. We may end up feeling spaced out, dizzy, forgetful and experiencing bad sleep patterns. It’s important to acknowledge what we are going through and to look after ourselves by ensuring that we get as much rest as possible and avoid exhaustion by only doing what is absolutely necessary to get through each day. If possible, we can lean on other people we love for support, catch up on sleep and give ourselves permission to do whatever we think will nurture us.
How Can We Get Over A Loss?
If we can acknowledge the gravity of our loss then we will be able to accept and process it more healthily. Anxiety and depression can result from unprocessed feelings – in loss this is usually the pushing down of sadness and anger. As uncomfortable and scary as these feelings can be, it is better for us to stay with them so that they can move on. Many of us bury our feelings by distracting ourselves and trying to forget what happened because we are consciously or unconsciously afraid of them. But suppressing our emotions only builds up trouble for later. Repressed feelings may develop into full-blown depression or uncontrollable anger which spits out at inappropriate times. It is far healthier to try to stay with these feelings. If we can bear to acknowledge our emotions they will pass and we will soon feel something else.
Another reason to ensure that we process grief is that each loss can bring up feelings linked to an earlier bereavement. Going to a loved one’s funeral may unconsciously bring up memories and feelings from an earlier loss. If we don’t process earlier losses in life, current bereavements can feel overwhelming.
Bravery and time spent acknowledging a loss, feeling the anger, pain, sadness and hurt and sharing it with someone we trust is vital to our recovery. Acceptance and the ability to move on from the loss will be quicker and permanent if we are able to do this.
Further resources:
Mind – what does grief feel like
Read my previous blog: Resilience