It seems difficult for people to talk about their nightmares. Even if the person has told me during their assessment that they suffer from nightmares, I often find people don’t talk about them in any detail until we have been working together for a while. Maybe by...
What’s Your Online Persona?
Types of dreams
Types of Dreams Every dream is as unique as the dreamer, but there are specific types of dreamsthat most commonly find their way into my consulting room. These are daydreams, vivid dreams, recurring dreams, lucid dreams, nightmares and night terrors. This month, I...
Dream Journaling
How To Remember Your Dreams I often work with people who dream frequently and are interested in their dreams. Many suffer from nightmares and night terrors which they remember vividly. I will be exploring these in a later post. But a lot of people don’t remember...
Dreaming
Photography by Gregory Pappas on UnsplashPsychotherapy and Dreams During an initial consultation with a potential client, I often ask about their dreams. Do they dream regularly? Do they have significant dreams from childhood? Do they have recurring dreams? This is...
Time for a Mindset Spring Clean
March is a hopeful month. Officially the first month of spring with emerging colour, bulbs bravely shooting through the ground and trees starting to sprout buds. A couple of years ago in the UK we had a mini heatwave in March. With the unpredictability of the climate,...
Cyber Bullying
Cyber Bullying When researching this subject, I was shocked to see the number of people who had taken their lives due to cyber bullying and sextortion. Between March 2019 and March 2020 19% or one in five children between the age of 10 and 15 in England and Wales...
Male Influencers
The MeToo movement has been wonderful for women’s rights and furthering awareness of sexual harassment and abuse. I know very few women who haven’t experienced sexual harassment at some point in their life and there is now an ability for women to have a voice, be...
Striking the Balance – Parenting Children on Social Media
Children and social media: It can be a thorny issue for many parents. There is a common conflict. On the one hand, if you let your child engage in social media they can feel part of their friendship group and won’t feel left out or left behind, whilst on the other...
Phone Addiction – Are We Losing the Art of Being Able to be With Ourselves?
At a comedy show recently I sat in my seat during the interval and studied the art deco theatre. I was admiring the intricate ceiling and the décor and looked across from where I was sitting to see three people engrossed in their phones. They seemed oblivious to the...
Social Media Anxiety and How To Manage It
Social media can be a fantastic way of keeping in touch with people and a source of inspiration, support, and connection to wider conversations online. It can also link us to people we would otherwise not have access to, for example, brides and grooms who’ve invited...
Who Do You Think You Are?
How Do You Want To Come Across Online?
We all know someone who exaggerates their life online – we see the ‘official’ glitzy positive image they put on social media. For example, posts of holiday snaps look amazing but, when we meet to hear about the holiday in person, we hear about how awful the hotel was, how cold the pool was and how everyone got a stomach bug. But that’s certainly not what the family wanted to portray online.
So how do we decide how our information comes across online? How honest do we want to be? And…
Who Do You Want To Be?
It’s interesting how we can become so interested in our online image. To some people getting ‘likes’ is vital to their self-esteem. Our online presence can feel like a reflection of people accepting us or not. Parents of teenagers know how important Tik Tok video ‘likes’ are.
In these days of influencers and online businesses it’s important to come across well and be popular online. ‘Likes’ and endorsements affect the amount of marketing and adverts which can be sold and directly impact income.
The Downsides of Becoming Popular
- Being very popular can also have its shadow sides. It can lead to a false sense of importance and obsession with ourselves and we can develop some narcissistic traits. Self-absorption or narcissism can mean that by focussing so much ourselves we become distant in relationships – both online and in reality.
- Too much attention may lead to being stalked or trolled. Jesy Nelson (British pop singer) and more recently Olivia Attwood (British TV presenter and model) made programmes on trolling which highlight the suffering and dangers some well-known people contend with.
- At the other end of the spectrum is what is known as ‘being cancelled’. That is when our online persona is totally ignored, and our online voice is effectively silenced. This can be felt as a massive rejection and may seriously affect our confidence and self-worth making us question ourselves and our actions.
It can be risky to have an opinion and speak out about what we feel is important eg JK Rowling and sex and gender issues. I feel the current debate over free speech and what is ok to talk about and what is not will run and run. It takes bravery to continue speaking out even when one has been cancelled. (Please note, I’m not talking about people who’ve committed offences and crimes).
Can I Come Back From My Mistakes?
There’s a saying that there’s no such thing as bad publicity but sometimes bad publicity can have severe results. The current online zeitgeist rarely offers forgiveness and an understanding that everyone makes mistakes and should be able to come back from something after an explanation and apology.
Once we have put something online it’s there forever. How many people do you know who regret content they put online ages ago? Maybe the embarrassing photos from your headier days years ago can be found online when you go for a job interview years later?
We all develop and change and hopefully mature over the years but it’s worth taking some time to think if what we are posting is appropriate for our audience. Or will we live to regret it later?
Where Do I Draw My Boundaries? How Do I Choose What Feels Ok To Put Online?
Here are some useful questions to think and talk about when you are deciding your way forward with your online presence:
- Does this feel ok to put online now and how will we feel about it in 5 or 10 years’ time?
- Do I have other people’s permission to share this?
- Where is the line between sharing our fun times and adventures and sharing too much?
- Who and how many people do I want to share our content with?
- Where do I want this content to be posted? Will it be to the general public or just with my contacts?
How Authentic Are You Online?
When Should I Post?
As well as answering the questions above we need to give ourselves space to think about what we are posting and try not to be impulsive. That’s easier said than done in today’s atmosphere of instant gratification. It can feel difficult to pause and consider what we are about to do or to wait for a clearer way ahead to emerge. But it’s always best to take a breath, or two, or distract yourself with something else for a while and then go back to the conversation or content with fresh eyes and a more objective state of mind.
How Do We Figure Out Our Online Persona?
I believe the answer lies in valuing ourselves. Believing that who we are is OK enough. Feeling comfortable with who we are right now without the need for praise and affirmation from others, online or face to face.
Being mindful of how we live our life and who and what we value in it are the touchstones of a strong character. These qualities will keep us steady when life gets challenging and give us the strength to ask for help when we need it.
If we are kind with ourselves and keep things in perspective in everyday life then we will care less about affirmation from others both off and online and this confidence will organically and naturally blend into our online persona.