In the final post on my series on the useful theories of psychoanalysis I end with some current thinking and practice which has evolved since attachment theory. In essence there has been a movement from classical psychoanalysis towards a more relational and...
Phone Addiction – Are We Losing the Art of Being Able to be With Ourselves?
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between...
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott Continuing my series on the founders of psychoanalysis I'm exploring Donald Winnicott this month. Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a paediatrician who then trained as a psychoanalyst, first to adults and later to...
The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today? Carl Gustav Jung was born into a religious family in Switzerland and studied to be a doctor. During these studies he became fascinated with current philosophy, anthropology and psychological theories and work in...
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
Creativity is a sure way to self-soothe. People have lost themselves in creative pursuits since time began. Getting in touch with our creativity is a way of reaching something within ourselves. By allowing this to develop we can usually make something bigger than...
The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
At a comedy show recently I sat in my seat during the interval and studied the art deco theatre. I was admiring the intricate ceiling and the décor and looked across from where I was sitting to see three people engrossed in their phones. They seemed oblivious to the beautiful surroundings. This is a common sight I know. And those of us with smartphones often do this during a break.
This reminds me of couples and families out to dinner when everyone is on their phones or young children who seem bored and want to engage with a very distracted parent on their phone.
If we mislay our phone, we panic.
Is this a sign that we are addicted? Addicted to our phone?
Having access to our phone makes us feel connected. Connected to people we know and love and to strangers and the world in general. We can contact anyone we want, whenever we want, from the palm of our hand.
Phones are a wonderful distraction. We are hard-wired to pick them up at any spare moment. Whilst we wait for a bus, when we can’t sleep, on a train journey, during adverts, or when we eat a meal. Spending time bored or alone without distraction feels like a thing of the past. With a smartphone, there’s no need to feel that anymore.
What are we missing or avoiding by becoming involved in our phones so much?
It may alleviate awkwardness
Rather than feeling anxious at being on our own and potentially lonely or rejected we can pick up our phone which makes us feel immediately connected to someone or something else. This distraction negates the difficult feeling we may have or the anxiety about the potentially difficult feeling if we are alone for too long. Picking up our phone solves this. But at what cost?
Creativity often arises when we let our minds wander
We see this in children who love playing imaginative games and role plays when they are left to their own devices. Think of the child who gets more enjoyment from playing with the cardboard box that their present comes in than the actual toy itself.
Writers and artists allow a spark of creativity to develop in many ways, often by letting ideas mull around in their heads. This isn’t possible if we continually bombard ourselves with information and distractions.
Daydreaming, thinking, planning ahead, processing things that have happened or just purely letting our minds wander can be so beneficial.
How does this relate to psychodynamic psychotherapy?
My clients are free to feel and say anything they want to but it’s rare for people to have that opportunity in everyday life. It can feel awkward, to begin with.
What should I say?
Am I getting it right?
But once you become more comfortable sharing your thoughts you usually discover unexpected observations and reflections which you wouldn’t usually be aware of. These can lead to exploring areas you were not expecting to talk about, but which are actually causing you current anxiety.
Spending time exploring these issues can bring insight and epiphanies which can be really helpful, and you soon realise what a precious space psychotherapy offers.
So, what can we do about our phone addiction?
The simple answer is to do a digital detox! But a week away on a mindfulness retreat for example is not practical for most of us. So why not try little steps?
- Leave your phone outside the bedroom overnight
- Put your phone on silent when you eat a meal or watch a movie
- Turn off notifications during phonecalls or when concentrating on a piece of work
If you can begin to feel more comfortable with those situations maybe you could work up to having your phone with you but on silent more often. So it’s with you for security but won’t disturb you whilst you do something on your own like going for a walk or working out.
The more we feel that our phone is something we are in control of, not the other way around, the more we are able to choose how much and when and where we use it.
This gives us a much healthier relationship with it and, in turn, ourselves and others.
Photo by Alireza Hosseini Moghadam on Unsplash