The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott Continuing my series on the founders of psychoanalysis I'm exploring Donald Winnicott this month. Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a paediatrician who then trained as a psychoanalyst, first to adults and later to...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today? Carl Gustav Jung was born into a religious family in Switzerland and studied to be a doctor. During these studies he became fascinated with current philosophy, anthropology and psychological theories and work in...
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
Creativity is a sure way to self-soothe. People have lost themselves in creative pursuits since time began. Getting in touch with our creativity is a way of reaching something within ourselves. By allowing this to develop we can usually make something bigger than...
The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
The Art of Self Soothing
There is so much going on in the world now. It’s hard watching the news, in fact I am more likely to just quickly check a news ap than I am to watch the news in real time. Many people I speak to are unable to watch the news at all because they struggle to think of the...
Interpreting Dreams
In the last of my series on dreaming we look at common images and symbols in dream interpretation. I love working with the unconscious and find dreams fascinating. We can think of them as metaphors for what might be going on in the dreamer’s life and/or the...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between babies and their caregivers profoundly shape their ability to form relationships in later life. Bowlby, after working with many mothers and babies, believed that infants are biologically programmed to seek closeness to their mother or main caregiver especially when they are in distress.
In the 1970s and 1980s Bowlby worked with Mary Ainsworth to support his theory with her observational studies and evidence. Ainsworth conducted the now famous experiment ‘The Strange Situation’ in which infants respond differently to short separations. It’s a fascinating but difficult watch.
Bowlby developed his Attachment System Theory which purports that children develop ways of attaching to their care givers based on the way their primary parent responds to them. He devised four different categories which describe four different attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised.
1. Secure attachment. If an infant is securely attached, then they have received good enough parenting with the mother responding consistently and appropriately to them in a nurturing way. This leads to infants who can explore without their mum and can then return to her and manage themselves in a healthy way. In adults a securely attached person has a healthy balance of independence and dependence and experiences healthy relationships in life.
2. Anxious attachment. This means that the caregiver was inconsistent in their nurturing and then the baby struggled with feelings of abandonment. Adults who are anxiously attached can become overly dependent in relationships and clingy and often seek extra reassurance.
3. Avoidant attachment. This happens when parents reject the baby or are not in tune with them. The avoidant baby learns to self soothe instead of using the parent to soothe them and avoids seeking comfort. Avoidant adults unconsciously supress their emotions and can struggle making intimate relationships.
4. Disorganised attachment. This is the final style of attachment and occurs when the care giver is abusive or frightening. The baby does not feel safe and is confused or shows contradictory behaviours. An adult with disorganised attachment can feel emotionally unstable, struggle with their identity and find it difficult to trust others.
Understanding our attachment style can help us navigate our own emotional patterns and improve how we are in relationships. For example, if we learn why we react in certain ways, like withdrawing during conflict or needing constant reassurance we can start to do something about it. So, we could start to understand and respond to others more empathically and communicate our needs more clearly.
Although attachment styles develop very early, they can shift over time with self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationships.
Knowing our attachment style is like discovering our emotional blueprint. It gives us the power to stop reacting on autopilot and start creating more secure, satisfying connections—with others and with ourselves.