In the last of my series on dreaming we look at common images and symbols in dream interpretation. I love working with the unconscious and find dreams fascinating. We can think of them as metaphors for what might be going on in the dreamer’s life and/or the...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
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Dreaming
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John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between babies and their caregivers profoundly shape their ability to form relationships in later life. Bowlby, after working with many mothers and babies, believed that infants are biologically programmed to seek closeness to their mother or main caregiver especially when they are in distress.
In the 1970s and 1980s Bowlby worked with Mary Ainsworth to support his theory with her observational studies and evidence. Ainsworth conducted the now famous experiment ‘The Strange Situation’ in which infants respond differently to short separations. It’s a fascinating but difficult watch.
Bowlby developed his Attachment System Theory which purports that children develop ways of attaching to their care givers based on the way their primary parent responds to them. He devised four different categories which describe four different attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised.
1. Secure attachment. If an infant is securely attached, then they have received good enough parenting with the mother responding consistently and appropriately to them in a nurturing way. This leads to infants who can explore without their mum and can then return to her and manage themselves in a healthy way. In adults a securely attached person has a healthy balance of independence and dependence and experiences healthy relationships in life.
2. Anxious attachment. This means that the caregiver was inconsistent in their nurturing and then the baby struggled with feelings of abandonment. Adults who are anxiously attached can become overly dependent in relationships and clingy and often seek extra reassurance.
3. Avoidant attachment. This happens when parents reject the baby or are not in tune with them. The avoidant baby learns to self soothe instead of using the parent to soothe them and avoids seeking comfort. Avoidant adults unconsciously supress their emotions and can struggle making intimate relationships.
4. Disorganised attachment. This is the final style of attachment and occurs when the care giver is abusive or frightening. The baby does not feel safe and is confused or shows contradictory behaviours. An adult with disorganised attachment can feel emotionally unstable, struggle with their identity and find it difficult to trust others.
Understanding our attachment style can help us navigate our own emotional patterns and improve how we are in relationships. For example, if we learn why we react in certain ways, like withdrawing during conflict or needing constant reassurance we can start to do something about it. So, we could start to understand and respond to others more empathically and communicate our needs more clearly.
Although attachment styles develop very early, they can shift over time with self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationships.
Knowing our attachment style is like discovering our emotional blueprint. It gives us the power to stop reacting on autopilot and start creating more secure, satisfying connections—with others and with ourselves.