In the final post on my series on the useful theories of psychoanalysis I end with some current thinking and practice which has evolved since attachment theory. In essence there has been a movement from classical psychoanalysis towards a more relational and...
Internet Dating – Part 3
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between...
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott Continuing my series on the founders of psychoanalysis I'm exploring Donald Winnicott this month. Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a paediatrician who then trained as a psychoanalyst, first to adults and later to...
The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today? Carl Gustav Jung was born into a religious family in Switzerland and studied to be a doctor. During these studies he became fascinated with current philosophy, anthropology and psychological theories and work in...
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
Creativity is a sure way to self-soothe. People have lost themselves in creative pursuits since time began. Getting in touch with our creativity is a way of reaching something within ourselves. By allowing this to develop we can usually make something bigger than...
The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
What Happens After My dating Profile Becomes Live?
Once you have created your name, profile and uploaded your photos it’s tempting to sit back and let others make advances towards you. But having spent precious time and/or money setting it all up get value for your money and be proactive. There are algorithms that prove that the more active you are on the dating site the more views your profile will have. Have a search and see who’s out there and approach at least two people who look interesting. This is when it can start to feel engaging.
From time to time you may have an unsuitable person contact you – just politely decline their offer: “I’m sorry but I’m already communicating with enough people at the moment” is clear and inoffensive, and then move on.
So What Do I Do When I Find Someone I’m Interested In dating?
There needs to be a balance between meeting someone immediately and emailing someone eternally with no intention to meet. It’s a good idea to send a few emails first to get a feeling for how the other person interacts with you and then arrange to talk on the phone. This will give you an even better idea of how well you are likely to get on. If the phone conversation goes well then it’s a good idea to meet soon afterwards to see if the connection continues face to face.
A short first date such as coffee is ideal. Always tell someone else where you are going and at what time. If possible send a “toilet text” to let the friend know all is ok during the date but more importantly be sure to confirm with the friend when you are home safely.
Any Other Tips?
Always bear in mind that both of you can be emailing and dating other people at the same time. As the dates progress you may feel you want to stop contact with other people on the site. It’s always best to have this “exclusivity chat” first to ascertain that you are both on the same page and want to concentrate on dating only each other as you get to know each other better and see how it goes.
Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t work out straight away. Persevere. Online dating is a numbers game and you need to keep on throwing the mud before some of it sticks.
Check out the well known Ted Talk by Amy Webb for inspiration: How I hacked online dating
and the best of luck!
Read my previous blog: Internet Dating – Part 2