John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory

Moving home is generally acknowledged to be a majorly stressful life event. Whether you’re moving into a rented house or buying your own home, moving house is always more involved than we first envisage.

Moving house and /or area can happen for many reasons:

• A job or career change for yourself or your partner
• Needing to downsize or upsize the property
• Moving in with a partner
• Leaving a partner
• Moving nearer to family
• Moving into a school’s catchment area

The excitement and fantasy of living in your new home will fire you up with the necessary energy and bravery to begin with. Imagining your possessions around you in a new space can be exhilarating. However, the reality, commitment and gravitas of the process soon becomes apparent and begins to feel daunting. All sorts of unexpected events can create hurdles along the way and it’s important to keep things in perspective.

Here are some ideas for managing the stressful parts of moving home:

• Give yourself more time than you think you will need for packing up your current possessions and furniture
• Feel in control and know that you are an important cog of the wheel in the process, keep communicating and be assertive with estate agents and solicitors, if necessary
• Be organized and keep designated folders for relevant paperwork and emails
• Share out and delegate tasks so you know who is doing what and no one wastes time duplicating errands
• Ask for help with responsibilities like viewings, packing, childcare and unpacking
• Communicate daily with your partner / family / support network, try to restrict discussions about your move to one comprehensive catch up so that moving home doesn’t take over every other aspect of life.
• Keep the move in perspective. Have quality time to relax and have fun – go for a bike ride, autumnal walk or have a family day out.
• Pay for as much help as you can afford, such as: packing, moving and cleaning the old and new properties.
• Factor in time to say goodbye to current neighbours and friends; it’s important to give good friendships the farewells they deserve, these relationships will inevitably change to some extent.

Here are two checklists to help you with the practicalities of moving: ‘Money Saving Expert’ and ‘Help I Am Moving’.

Settling into a new area

Relocating can stir up many emotions, including good and bad memories of times in the old home. This next phase of your life will bring new opportunities and relationships. Embrace this new chapter whilst also acknowledging what you are leaving behind.

Once you have unpacked and settled physically into your new home you will want to explore the area if you don’t know it already.

Here are some suggestions to help you get out and about, putting roots into your new neighbourhood:

• Say hello to your new neighbours. You can always pop round with an excuse like wanting to know when the rubbish collection days are.
• Find where the nearest shops are and shop locally as often as you can. As well as supporting local businesses you will be able to chat to local staff and owners and find out more about the neighbourhood.
• Don’t leave home without your phone or a pen and paper. Look out for notice boards in shops with postcards and local advertisements for activities and groups in the area.
• Visit your nearest library and see what it has to offer in the way of evening classes and local projects.
• Spend some time online investigating local activities that appeal to you. Go to everything that interests you at least once and see if you like the atmosphere enough to join up.
• Visit your local church, synagogue or temple.
• Join your local gym.
• Go for coffee, breakfast or lunch in your nearest independent café, deli or coffee shop and tell staff that you have just moved into the area and would love some local recommendations.

Once the excitement of moving to a new area has died down it can be very lonely if you don’t know anyone nearby.  If you find the above suggestions daunting then I recommend the best way to approach someone new is by smiling, saying hello or excuse me and then asking them a question. This gives you a genuine reason for reaching out to a total stranger and also taps into their good will.  Most people don’t mind answering a question and being helpful, and if they don’t seem keen to answer then don’t take it personally, they may just be too busy or have their own worries on their mind.

Give it time and be patient.  New friendships take time and effort to grow.  In a year’s time you will feel much more settled in your new life.

As Susan Jeffers said “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.  Go for it, and good luck!

Read my previous blog: Loss, Bereavement and Mourning