John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott Continuing my series on the founders of psychoanalysis I'm exploring Donald Winnicott this month. Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a paediatrician who then trained as a psychoanalyst, first to adults and later to...
The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today? Carl Gustav Jung was born into a religious family in Switzerland and studied to be a doctor. During these studies he became fascinated with current philosophy, anthropology and psychological theories and work in...
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
Creativity is a sure way to self-soothe. People have lost themselves in creative pursuits since time began. Getting in touch with our creativity is a way of reaching something within ourselves. By allowing this to develop we can usually make something bigger than...
The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
The Art of Self Soothing
There is so much going on in the world now. It’s hard watching the news, in fact I am more likely to just quickly check a news ap than I am to watch the news in real time. Many people I speak to are unable to watch the news at all because they struggle to think of the...
Loss occurs when we lose something that is precious to us. It usually refers to a person, for example – the death of a loved one, but it can also denote many other circumstances such as:
- Grown up children leaving home
- Being made redundant or leaving a job
- Divorce or the end of a relationship
- Infertility
- Moving house
What Happens When We Experience Loss?
Depending on the circumstances, our first reaction to loss is usually shock, even if we knew it was coming. This may manifest itself in feelings of numbness and disbelief. We may end up feeling spaced out, dizzy, forgetful and experiencing bad sleep patterns. It’s important to acknowledge what we are going through and to look after ourselves by ensuring that we get as much rest as possible and avoid exhaustion by only doing what is absolutely necessary to get through each day. If possible, we can lean on other people we love for support, catch up on sleep and give ourselves permission to do whatever we think will nurture us.
How Can We Get Over A Loss?
If we can acknowledge the gravity of our loss then we will be able to accept and process it more healthily. Anxiety and depression can result from unprocessed feelings – in loss this is usually the pushing down of sadness and anger. As uncomfortable and scary as these feelings can be, it is better for us to stay with them so that they can move on. Many of us bury our feelings by distracting ourselves and trying to forget what happened because we are consciously or unconsciously afraid of them. But suppressing our emotions only builds up trouble for later. Repressed feelings may develop into full-blown depression or uncontrollable anger which spits out at inappropriate times. It is far healthier to try to stay with these feelings. If we can bear to acknowledge our emotions they will pass and we will soon feel something else.
Another reason to ensure that we process grief is that each loss can bring up feelings linked to an earlier bereavement. Going to a loved one’s funeral may unconsciously bring up memories and feelings from an earlier loss. If we don’t process earlier losses in life, current bereavements can feel overwhelming.
Bravery and time spent acknowledging a loss, feeling the anger, pain, sadness and hurt and sharing it with someone we trust is vital to our recovery. Acceptance and the ability to move on from the loss will be quicker and permanent if we are able to do this.
Further resources:
Mind – what does grief feel like
Read my previous blog: Resilience