In the final post on my series on the useful theories of psychoanalysis I end with some current thinking and practice which has evolved since attachment theory. In essence there has been a movement from classical psychoanalysis towards a more relational and...
When Therapy Gets Challenging
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory Attachment Theory is a well-known and widely accepted concept in human development and psychotherapy. British psychiatrist John Bowlby developed it in the 1950s. The crux of attachment theory is that the early emotional bonds between...
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott
The Helpful Ideas of Donald Winnicott Continuing my series on the founders of psychoanalysis I'm exploring Donald Winnicott this month. Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a paediatrician who then trained as a psychoanalyst, first to adults and later to...
The Importance of Melanie Klein
The Importance of Melanie Klein Melanie Klein was a groundbreaking and highly creative psychoanalyst. She was born in 1882 in Vienna but spent most of her life in UK, dying in London in 1960. Her life was fascinating, with many losses and tragedies but...
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today?
Carl Jung – Is He Relevant Today? Carl Gustav Jung was born into a religious family in Switzerland and studied to be a doctor. During these studies he became fascinated with current philosophy, anthropology and psychological theories and work in...
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today
How Freud Is Still Relevant Today Prompted by last month’s blog on Narcissism, this is the first in a series on some of the founding members in psychoanalysis and some of their ideas, many of which, I believe, are still useful for us today. Widely...
Narcissism
Narcissism The term 'narcissism' is banded around a lot. But what does being a narcissist actually mean? And how do we work out if we are in a relationship with one, or even if we might be one ourselves? Origins of Narcissism The term narcissism comes from...
The Art of Self-soothing 4: Using Our Senses
Using Our Senses This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe. There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking. Sight Natural Vistas As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For...
The Art of Self-soothing 3: Creativity
Creativity is a sure way to self-soothe. People have lost themselves in creative pursuits since time began. Getting in touch with our creativity is a way of reaching something within ourselves. By allowing this to develop we can usually make something bigger than...
The Art of Self-Soothing 2: Nature
This month’s way to self soothe is by being in nature. It’s long been known and proven that being outside and preferably in nature can improve our mental health. Take a Short Walk The simplest ways are often the most effective. Such as going for a short walk from your...
I often find myself telling clients that things may feel worse before they feel better
Therapy isn’t easy to describe. Therapy can get challenging. It’s not like a manicure where the results are immediate. It’s more like a workout: requires effort to get there, hard work when you are in the room and takes commitment both personal and financial. Unlike a personal trainer, however, I can’t promise the client an endorphin rush after every session!
Recent research has shown it is mainly the relationship between the client and therapist which facilitates change.
It takes time to develop trust. But once trust is established, change can happen at a deeper level. Even knowing that what we say is confidential it can still be difficult, to be honest at times.
It’s not easy to explore and share how we feel. At the beginning of the therapeutic relationship, the therapist can feel like the stranger they truly are. Why would we want to tell someone we don’t know our inner thoughts and feelings? It doesn’t feel natural, especially knowing very little about the therapist in such a one-sided relationship.
But counselling works as a result of the therapist maintaining their boundaries in the relationship ie keeping some distance so they do not feel like our friend but work professionally so that we feel safe and looked after objectively and competently.
There are periods during therapy when it can feel challenging
This is the tough part: becoming vulnerable in the consulting room is uncomfortable and can make us feel anxious, but if we are able to explore these difficult moments we can learn so much from them. If we are able to hang in there, and trust in the therapist and the process things will eventually shift.
Like fitness training, in psychodynamic therapy, things may need to feel worse before they get better. But we need to hold on to the fact that “this too shall pass” and that it is worth going through the challenging times to come out the other side with more awareness, understanding, and the ability to live a fulfilling life with more satisfying relationships.
Other relevant blogs to read:
Your first therapy session