It seems difficult for people to talk about their nightmares. Even if the person has told me during their assessment that they suffer from nightmares, I often find people don’t talk about them in any detail until we have been working together for a while. Maybe by...
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
Types of dreams
Types of Dreams Every dream is as unique as the dreamer, but there are specific types of dreamsthat most commonly find their way into my consulting room. These are daydreams, vivid dreams, recurring dreams, lucid dreams, nightmares and night terrors. This month, I...
Dream Journaling
How To Remember Your Dreams I often work with people who dream frequently and are interested in their dreams. Many suffer from nightmares and night terrors which they remember vividly. I will be exploring these in a later post. But a lot of people don’t remember...
Dreaming
Photography by Gregory Pappas on UnsplashPsychotherapy and Dreams During an initial consultation with a potential client, I often ask about their dreams. Do they dream regularly? Do they have significant dreams from childhood? Do they have recurring dreams? This is...
Time for a Mindset Spring Clean
March is a hopeful month. Officially the first month of spring with emerging colour, bulbs bravely shooting through the ground and trees starting to sprout buds. A couple of years ago in the UK we had a mini heatwave in March. With the unpredictability of the climate,...
Cyber Bullying
Cyber Bullying When researching this subject, I was shocked to see the number of people who had taken their lives due to cyber bullying and sextortion. Between March 2019 and March 2020 19% or one in five children between the age of 10 and 15 in England and Wales...
Male Influencers
The MeToo movement has been wonderful for women’s rights and furthering awareness of sexual harassment and abuse. I know very few women who haven’t experienced sexual harassment at some point in their life and there is now an ability for women to have a voice, be...
What’s Your Online Persona?
Who Do You Think You Are? How Do You Want To Come Across Online? We all know someone who exaggerates their life online – we see the ‘official’ glitzy positive image they put on social media. For example, posts of holiday snaps look amazing but, when we meet to hear...
Striking the Balance – Parenting Children on Social Media
Children and social media: It can be a thorny issue for many parents. There is a common conflict. On the one hand, if you let your child engage in social media they can feel part of their friendship group and won’t feel left out or left behind, whilst on the other...
Phone Addiction – Are We Losing the Art of Being Able to be With Ourselves?
At a comedy show recently I sat in my seat during the interval and studied the art deco theatre. I was admiring the intricate ceiling and the décor and looked across from where I was sitting to see three people engrossed in their phones. They seemed oblivious to the...
Using Our Senses
This final post in my series is about using our bodily senses to self-soothe.
There are lots of ways that we can self-sooth by looking.
Sight
Natural Vistas
- As I’ve already mentioned in a previous post, nature and landscapes are very calming. For example, looking at dappled light through leaves or a countryside view of fields can feel soothing.
- The sky can give us a feeling of awe and calm: look up at the night stars or moongaze.
- Many people find water calming. Watch waves on a shore or a sunset or sunrise over a beach view.
- Clouds can also give a sense of calm. Take a few moments to watch clouds pass you by.
Wildlife and Children
- The Wildlife Photographer of the Year Show is popular for many reasons and the act of watching wildlife in real time is entrancing. Springwatch’s mindful minute is a highlight of the show for many viewers. Watching nature in real time for a minute feels very soothing, maybe looking at a murmuration of birds or a woodpecker on a lawn.
- At the Oxford Natural History Museum, I recently enjoyed watching bees work within a hive. Stopping to watch garden ants work together is another easy way to become absorbed.
- Children enjoy wildlife and take wonder in watching simple things like a beetle or a worm but somewhere along the way as our lives got busier and fuller we grown-ups lost the way to stop and look. Take a leaf out of their book and stop to look when you can.
- Watching a baby or child sleep is very calming – a precious moment. Before we go and continue our chores it’s soothing to stop and watch our child at peace.
Art
- Paintings can be relaxing. I have an abstract painting in my consulting room which patients often look at. It calms them and gives them something else to focus on, taking them away from the intensity of what they may be exploring in the room with me.
- Specific colours can be soothing. Decorating rooms in colours to enhance moods has been around for a long time now. Traditionally blues and greens have been calming in interior design, but you may find other colours that soothe you.
Hearing
Listening with focus to sounds can be self-soothing.
The changing weather provides us with lots of opportunities:
- wind in trees, swishing grass
- waves, rain
- birdsong can soothe: the dawn chorus or a single blackbird singing
- the sound of water: waves, rain falling or water features. These are often used in meditations for good reason.
- listening to a guided meditation can be incredibly calming. We don’t need to meditate for 3 hours a day, just a 3-minute reflection will do.
Smell and Taste
- Scented candles and diffusers with various essential oils like geranium, lemongrass and sandalwood can help calm your mood
- Baking smells: at home when you know something delicious is on its way; when out and about it’s hard to pass a bakery without popping in for a treat to enjoy later
- Scented flowers: literally stopping to smell the roses
- A good old cup of tea, always an antidote to life’s ups and downs
- To taste something fully is to take your time and eat or drink mindfully. This can be a soothing experience in itself, but some tastes and smells can even evoke calming memories like drinking cocoa the way your grandma used to make it to help you sleep.
Touch
Touch is another way to self-soothe. We can wrap ourselves in a cosy blanket, stroke a pet, book a massage, have sex, ask for a hug.
Why not try:
- getting into a bed with clean linen
- using hand cream and moisturiser
- playing a musical instrument or singing
- having your nails or hair done
- booking a beauty treatment.
Going for a sauna or steam or jacuzzi is a tactile way to unwind, as is swimming and snorkelling.
Some people find religion and spirituality comforting. Religious practices and sacred articles can be used to find inner calm: worry beads, the rosary, gazing at icons, candles, chanting, prayer and meditation.
The main message to conclude my series on The Art of Self-Soothing is in the power of pausing.
The Art of Self-soothing is taking the time to stop and notice, either at something else or oneself; to pause to watch the squirrel skipping across the road or to pause and breathe 3 deep breaths. Both are as important as each other. A helpful video to help is Mindfulness Meditation 3 Minute Breathing Space.
Whichever way we choose to stop and reflect, internally or externally, will have the impact of taking us out of our busy day whilst also soothing our mind and body and thereby regulating our emotions.